Hoppy Halloween!

Fun with pumpkins

We carved pumpkins this weekend. T wasn't much help, but he had fun.

Marketing at its finest

As you may or may not know I try to buy organic/free range food whenever I can. Organic cheeses at the grocery stores near us cost private school tuition. When I saw this package, I thought, OK, sounds good. Then, I got home and read the fine print on the back:

Our 3rd Limited Edition Cheese is Pasture Grazed Cheddar, which features authentic cheese taste that results that graze on pasture. To capture this wonderful flavor, we selected two special dairy farms in Southwest Wisconsin this past spring. Their Holstein, Swiss, and Jersey cows went out to pasture for several months -- and they enjoyed life on the open range the whole season long. The rolling, lush green hills, sweet green grasses, calm summertime breezes and cool, clean well water - all combine to make a Cheddar cheese with a smooth, rich, cream and slightly sweet, yet earthy flavor.

Well, thank goodness they got a whole SEASON of life on the range. Are you freaking kidding me? That's like taking veal on vacation and calling it free range.

Dear Jennifer

Dear Jennifer,

Thanks for contacting us regarding our return policy. I'm sorry that we're unable to assist you with a return or exchange.

Target requires a receipt dated within 90 days for all returns or exchanges of new, unused, or defective items. If you have trouble finding your receipt, we have the ability to look up that receipt's information for a return on most purchases made by check, Target GiftCard, credit, or debit cards within 90 days of purchase. We can also reprint gift receipts during that same length of time when you bring in your original receipt.

As a guest service your local store may accommodate two no receipt returns a year for you, which are intended for small gifts under $20. I apologize for any disappointment this may have caused.

Thanks for sharing your concerns with us. Your feedback will be useful in our continual review of our return policy.

We hope to see you again soon at Target.

Sincerely,

Marisa
Target Guest Relations

Target's response? Eh .... screw you. Am I coming back? Eh .... not freaking likely.

Your daily dose of cuteness

49% of NJ wants to leave.

Duh! Read here.

Missing: One Flat Giraffe

I have exhausted myself looking for said Flat Giraffe. If we have been at your house in the past 3 months, could you do a quick sweep if to see if you can find the aforementioned mammal? Sadly, no reward is offered, but Flat Giraffe's boy would be very grateful.

Dear Target

Today I went into your Lawrenceville, NJ Target for my weekly Target run and to return a bottle sterilizer I received as a gift at my baby shower. Imagine my shock when the clerk at customer service informed me that because the gift cost more than $20 and I didn’t have a receipt I could not return it. The justification I received for this policy was that if someone stole an item they couldn’t return it for the cash or store credit. I always hear Target rhetoric about giving back to the communities they serve. How about giving the benefit of the doubt to the great majority of your loyal customers instead of crafting an asinine policy to punish the tiniest minority? I have already been shocked by your practice of discontinuing an item only to bring it back in a different color to justify returning a tenth of the value of the item. These policies highlight a base and money-grubbing leadership. I am a weekly shopper, and usually spend $70-100 per trip. Please be assured that I will no longer be purchasing any gifts from Target and will do my utmost to dramatically decrease or eliminate the rest of my Target shopping as a result of this policy. I have long not shopped at Wal-Mart due to the way they treat their customers, suppliers and employees. Today, Target demonstrated a similar allegiance to the almighty dollar over common sense, courtesy and trust. Please don’t lose any sleep over the loss of this customer, but do know that I will tell everyone I know about the ill-advised policies of Target Corp and counsel them to find somewhere else to shop.

Characters in the Park

Every morning T and I go for a walk at a nearby park. We're there for about the same 45 minutes to an hour each day. During our daily perambulation we see the same cast of characters. I've begun to speculate about the regulars. Who are they? Why are they free to walk at 10 am on a week day? For your consideration .... Characters in the Park:

“Mali” The Crazy Dog Lady – Mali emigrated from Thailand with her husband 30 years ago. They were unable to have children, so instead she bought a fluffy little dog named Precious that she loves like a child. Precious often sports jackets, sweaters and slamming pink hear-shaped sunglasses. When Precious is just too worn out to walk any further, Mali will carry her in a backpack on her stomach. Nothing is too good for Precious.

“Butch” The Little Dog Guy – Butch works as a diesel mechanic in the afternoon and weekends, so he gets to walk Twitchy, his wife’s dog, who recently won the title for World’s Sissiest Looking Dog. Butch is surprisingly unashamed of Twitchy, even talking to her in a baby voice during walks.

"Mervin" The Sweet Old Guy -- Mervin still lives in his house after his loving wife of 40 years passed away 4 years ago. To keep in shape and fight off boredom, Merv walks from 9 am - noon everyday. His children and grandchildren take turns having him over during the evenings, but they're all in school or work during the day.

"Earl" The Horse Racing Guy -- Earl spends most of each day avoiding his 4th wife, Tammy, at the horse track. Earl spends his mornings meandering through the park choosing his picks for the afternoon. He's always surprised to see anyone else when they walk up behind him.

"Susan" The Other Mom -- Susan is a stay at home mom of a 6 week old baby. We only ever see the baby's feet because it's always covered up in the stroller or the baby bjorn. Susan is a sweet woman who walks every morning to get out of her house.

Ha ha hahahaha

The Flash O Lantern, courtesy of extremepumpkins.com .

I'm sorry ... what?

Why oh why does Al Gore deserve the Nobel Peace Prize? Has he done something to actually promote peace that we don't know about? Who were the other contenders? Michael Moore and Britney Spears? Without debating the merits of the movie, how does a man who doesn't practice a lot of his preaching win the Nobel Peace Prize? Ug.

On Henna and Body Art

Mom and Greg were in town this weekend. We went to Lancaster, PA to Amish country and the Renaissance Faire. It was a really fun trip and Tucker was really really good. I'm impressed by how well he handles traveling to be honest.

At the faire, I had this henna body art done. I love it. I've always been afraid of getting a tattoo because I always think I'll hate it in a few years. At 18 I would have probably gotten a butterfly, which I would hate today. At 21 it would likely have been an angel or something egyptian. Wouldn't hate the angel, would hate the something egyptian. Now this would be my choice. I'm sure in 10 years I'll hate this too. I also worry about how something will look when my skin is loose and wrinkly. There really isn't any part of your body that doesn't sag and wrinkle at some point in your life. Just need to find someone who will do this for me every couple of weeks.

Work Dreams

I recently found out that the person hired to fill my position when I left has already packed her bags and moved back to New England. The reasons I heard ranged from "overwhelmed" to "a complete disaster." This has sent me off on a new series of work dreams and late night anxiety about work. I thought when I quit my job that the job anxiety would quit with it. Instead, I've started worrying about my co-workers who have to pick up the slack for the missing position. I'm having dreams about being late to work and missing important meetings/training sessions. Why am I crazy?

I'm going babyless

Tonight, Ryan's hanging with Tucker, and I'm going out for an evening of babyless entertainment. A couple of girlfriends and I are going to have dinner and maybe do some shopping, all without baby wrangling. Ahhh.

What is butt dust?

Courtesy of Frank. I had read the butt dust one, but not the others. Ha!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After
a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much
that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain
to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's
me?"

SUSAN(age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON(age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES(age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?" (my favorite)

TAMMY(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

This uninterrupted night of sleep brought to you by ...

Ahhhh. Tucker has been sleeping pretty consistently until 5 or 5:30 every morning. After nursing, he goes back to bed until 7 or 7:30. I have to tell you, after 6 months of interrupted sleep, it feels really good.

Last night

Stairs were funny again. We discovered that it's only funny to go upstairs if Daddy follows us up the stairs. Then, it's hilarious.

Baby food

I'm becoming a hippie. A larger and larger proportion of our food is organic. All of Tucker's is. I'm seriously considering buying natural cleaning products.

Last night I found myself making a lot of baby food. Every Monday Tucker and I stop at a little farmer's market after our walk. The woman who runs it has gotten to know us and started talking with me about baby food. Apparently she made all the baby food for her kids and gave me the bug. I bought a bunch of apples and a butternut squash. Butternut squash, for those of you who may not know, is one of the "decorative" winter squash that looks like a giant yellow phallus. If you bake it for a long time it gets squishy. A little cuisinarting later, and I have 4 huge bags of squash and apples and squash and corn. It's actually pretty tasty. We'll have to see tonight if Tucker agrees.

Today, stairs not so funny