Merry Christmas!

The Poopie Diaries Continued

"Oh look, T is crawling over to me. What a cute baby I have. Aw, he put his little head in my lap, I'm so glad I decided to have kids. What's on the carpet? Is that a popcorn kernel? Oh geez, it's poo. Oh ... it's under my thumbnail. Where's it coming from? Let's check your diaper kid. Oh man, poo all the way up the back. Alright then, let's go upstairs.

Stand up little man, I need to take your shirt off. One arm, now the other. Now the pants. Ok, let's lay down. Get some wipes ready here. And, off with the diaper. I'll put it behind you on the changing table. No, T, don't grab at that. T, I said no! Oh geez, now there are poo wipes on the floor. This just gets better and better. Ok, one hand on the baby, one hand picking up the wipes. How do I wrap this diaper? Whew, into the trash with you. Alright naked baby, let's go downstairs and take a bath.

Try not to pee on me, Ok?"

OK, just kidding

I went out to do the Christmas grocery run today. Oh, my, goodness ... not only was the store packed, what is normally a 20 minute drive home took nearly 40. When I said I missed the Christmas craziness, I was just kidding. Seriously.

Many Mini Meltdowns

Tucker has figured out how to throw a tantrum (aren't you all excited you decided to come see us now?). He's really interested in an outlet by our television. While he can't really hurt himself since the outlet closes as soon as you pull the plug out, it's not something I want him to play with. Today he kept pulling on the cords, even after a stern "no". When he actually pulled it out, I would pick him up and sit him across from the room and tell him "I said no". This prompted a tantrum that lasted about 60 seconds (until he found something else to pique his interest). I'm excited for him figuring out that tantrums don't work.

Because he's not fat enough

Chief ate my Chex Mix leftovers last night.

The Anticipation is Killing Me

For the first time this year, I am finished with all my Christmas shopping. In fact, I've been mostly done for several weeks now. I'm currently in some kind of strange holding pattern until family begins arriving on Sunday. I won't start the cleaning/grocery shopping for guests until tomorrow. This is a really unfamiliar feeling for me. For the past several years, I've been rushing around with all the other crazies trying to finish my Christmas shopping. This year, I'm done. There's nothing to do but wait. Do you remember the day before your birthday when you were a kid? This has been my feeling for the past week or so, made worse by the fact that Ry was out of town most of the week. It's killing me!!

Shweaty Balls? It must be Christmas!

Every year, Saturday Night Live does a Christmas Special showcasing some of the funniest SNL skits from the Christmas season. Every year I watch it for one skit: Shweaty Balls. This skit is, in my opinion, one of the funniest ever to come out of SNL. With lines like "I can't wait to get my mouth around your balls" and "If you order now, you can still get one of our Shweaty Ball Sacs", how can you keep from laughing? I was going to link to it from the blog, but with all the copyright crap, it's nowhere to be found online anymore. Here's to hoping you caught the skit this year and have your very own Shweaty Balls!

Some random thoughts

• My baby poos what seems an unnatural amount. Lately it seems like every time I pick him up there is poo to be changed. It's a shame I didn't keep track of the diaper count, because it's nearing what it was when he was a newborn.
• Daytime TV is scary. I generally watch Rachel Ray or The Price is Right when I get to work out in the morning. The other day, the TV stayed on after I finished yoga. Who are these people? A sampling of topics on Maury and Jerry Springer: "3 Babies, 1 Daddy", "The Secret Sex Lives of Teenage Girls" and "Deer Hunter" (a particularly spirited debate between two hunters about who was going to keep the woman they appeared to be passing between them). Also, the commercials on Rachel and Price are generally for Target, Power Chairs, life insurance and Pampers. Guess who the target audience is? Commercials on the others are for accident lawyers and payday loan places. While it was an interesting study, from now on, I'll be turning off the TV after yoga, as per usual.
• Christmas trees make me happy. It's hard to be in a bad mood when you have a cheerfully decorated tree that makes the house smell like a pine forest. It's a shame they have to die for my happiness, but I really hate fake trees.
• It's an ugly day. I used to wake up and dread these days because I still had to get out of the house and to work. Now, T and I get to hole up and play snow day.
  
• Last night, Ry made dinner. :)
• I'm really looking forward to having a house full of people for Christmas. It just doesn't seem like a holiday without more people than you have places for them to sit.
• T is 9 months old today! How is this possible?
  

Ho Ho F@#*ing Ho

The Christmas season really brings out the best in people. In what should be a time when people reflect on the blessings in their lives and choose how to share those blessings, most people are more stressed, uptight and angry than at any other time of the year.

Case #1: In line at Michael's to buy candles for my advent wreath, I saw another mother with a little girl a few months older than T. I smiled at her and T gave her a big, toothless grin. We started a little conversation when the mother turned around, gave me an evil glare and pushed her child and cart in front of her so we could no longer see each other. I have a baby for goodness sake! I'm not a creepy old crank staring at your baby.

Case #2: We were driving through a parking lot, apparently too slowly. The car behind us honked at us. How dare we drive through the parking lot?

For anyone who might be stressing about gifts for us ... don't. We have everything we need. Thank you for the thought, but we'd rather have your company (or phone calls) than anything you could buy for us. Have a wonderful Christmas remembering the real reason for the season.

The Poopie Diaries

When He Was 9 Months Old, There Was A Very Big Poo

It was a very big poo ...

Today T was in his exersaucer playing. I left the room and when I came back, Ry asked if I smelled "that". I did indeed. I pulled T out of the saucer and took a quick inventory. Whew, I thought, it wasn't exploding out any clothing ... that I saw.

So upstairs we went. I put T on the changing table and was about to get down to business when I saw what appeared to be poo on the bottom of his socks. A quick sniff confirmed my suspicions. Then I pondered ... how did he get poo on the bottom of his socks? Just about that time, I heard Ry coming up the stairs.

He said that the smell didn't leave the room with T and he discovered poo all over the bottom of the saucer. Now ... remember there was no noticeable poo coming out of any clothing. When we peeled off his pants we discovered that he pooed down his leg enough to cover the bottom of the saucer in poo. Truly, one of the more disgusting moments of my life as a mother. He went straight from changing table to bath.