Save us, purple Jeebus

I have been hearing about the purple Jesus prayer rug on the internet and from friends. Hallelujah, we finally received a Jesus prayer rug of our very own today from "Saint Matthews 57-Year-Old Church." You assure me that if I pray on my fancy paper prayer rug for 24 hours (or just put it under my bed) and then send it back to you with my seed gift, my prayers will be answered. I'm pleased to see that among the prayers that purple Jesus will answer are "Confusion in My Home, A New Car, and a Specific Amount of Money." My home is certainly not confusing enough. Not only that, you've thoughtfully provided me a postage paid envelope to send in my gift. Because the world's money is the devil's money, I am sending my envelope filled with earthly treasures, soil from the earth so you can plant my seed gift.

I tried and tried to see Jesus's eyes opening and looking into my own, as you promised on my prayer rug. Alas, purple Jesus won't look at me! Perhaps it's because I've angered him by opening my sealed prophecy before returning the holy rug. Be assured that I will follow your other directions and return the rug within 24 hours, since, "These next 24 hours are crucial to (me). Timing is important to God." I can only pray that purple Jesus will bless me with a "Big 6 Room House" like he did for Mrs. T.F. in Texas. Please send me my 2 1/2 inch by 1 1/2 inch "beautiful, blessed, Prosperity Cross." Please send my purple Jesus to "another family that's in need of a blessing." And finally ... Shame. On. You.


For more on the purple Jesus head scam, see here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.