Saturday, July 01, 2006

Keep your $17

Disclaimer: Stop reading if … 1. You liked Superman 2. You don’t want to ruin the “plot” of Superman 3. You don’t like reading rants.

We just got back from Superman. It was the most boring action movie I’ve ever seen. Not only did it clock in at 2 hours 30 minutes, there was only about 1 hour of actual movie material. The new Superman did a remarkable job of looking like Christopher Reeve. That was the good part of the movie. About halfway through, I started wondering if anyone was going to grow a personality. Lex Luther, arguably one of the greatest villains ever, was buffoonish. Lois Lane was shrill and unconvincing. Richard, her fiancé came in as an adorable doormat and the Superson spent most of the time mutely staring around the room. The only likable character was Jimmy. Give that kid a raise!

To be fair, Superman has never been my favorite superhero. The whole invincible except for kryptonite thing gets old, as does the Lois Lane/Clark Kent/Superman mistaken identity crap. If Superman is so great, why doesn’t he just incinerate all the kryptonite? This story is no Oscar-winner. Lex gets ahold of some super crystals and decides to grow his own, kryptonite-laced continent. The only problem is that it's going to kill pretty much everyone in the US. Also, Lois is Supe's Baby Mama. Too bad baby needs a personality.

Keep your $17. As a matter of fact, keep the $5 blockbuster fee or the $3.99 pay per view. Watch this movie on HBO with a good book. Truly, a terrible movie.

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