Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Something's gonna give

I continue to wish I had figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up a long time ago. I'm finding that I need 2 or 3 more hours in every day. Life lately has been especially chaotic, since F recently decided that he's afraid of anyone he hasn't known for at least a month. When I took him to the grocery store the other day, he cried at anyone who dared to look at him. By the time we get to the end of the week, he also wants me so badly that he tries to crawl back in. We tried to go out to dinner last Friday and it was an epic failure. He spent the entire meal plastered to my body, while he ran his tomato-sauced hands over everything he could reach.

To that end, I've been taking him into daycare later and pick him up earlier in the afternoons. It seems to be working, but at the expense of studying for the exam I have Friday. By the time the kids are in bed, the lunches are packed and the laundry has been moved I'm pretty much toast in the concentration department.

I'm not complaining. OK, I am complaining, but only a little. I knew what I was taking on when I decided to start over. I just second-guess myself a lot. Maybe I should put it off for a few years, until the kids are older. Maybe. But maybe I'm here, and I'm enrolled and I only have 19 more months until I'll have a degree and a job (hopefully) and some extra money to spend on fabulous vacations and a maid (or, you know, Little-League and piano lessons).

And now it's time to sleep. And dream of drug-receptor binding.


melydia said...

I think it's wonderful that you know NOW what you want to do with your life. Some people never figure it out. It's tough now, sure, but you can dooo eet! :D

BTW, you might enjoy this article I just read yesterday:

Becky said...

First - drug receptor binding sounds majorly scary. Good luck on your exam tomorrow!

Second - I really do think you'll find your happy place. Major life changes take a while to come to equilibrium.

Nineteen more months isn't really so many. You'll still be done before I will!

Jube said...

Thanks guys. I continue to feel like I've made the right decision, but it's hard to balance that with the desire to be with my kiddos (and not raise little sociopaths). I'm sure life will level out. It's just that every time I feel like things are humming along, one or both of the boys will have a "thing" to stir things up again. Silly kids and their silly growing.

Our parents worked during most of our childhood and we're productive members of society, right Becks?

Becky said...

We are CRAZY productive members of society. College degrees out the wazoo, plus two kids and a husband - all without going (totally) crazy.

Not only that - we're good enough, we're smart enough, and doggone it, people like us.

Mom said...

Yes, Jenn you are a productive member of society. I,too, worried about you when you were little and I had to work. I am proud of you and the decision you have made. You'll make it though. I have faith in you.

Keep up the good work.

Finley would probably done the same things even if you weren't going to school. Hang in there.


Jube said...

Thanks Mom.

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