I went out this evening with several of the mothers from my mom's group. For the most part, I had a great time. I left a little early so I could stop and get a pedicure and enjoyed the first part of the dinner very much. Then came the inevitable mommy comparisons. Keep in mind that these are driven women who are college educated (often at the master's or JD level). These are women who expect the best of themselves and those around them. Their juniors take gym class, attend daily library activities, do art projects and participate in music class.
Several of the moms actually discussed how it was unfair to kids not to attend preschool for several years before kindergarten because they'd be so far behind. I'm not sure if we can afford preschool in a few years. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I know we can't afford $165 for 10 weeks of music class.
Here I was thinking that it was enough that T was happy and healthy. I realize it does no good to compare, but I can't help wondering if T isn't talking yet because he's not getting the proper stimulation. I'm just not one of those mommies who can give running commentary all day like you're supposed to ("Look T, it's a truck. What color is the truck? The truck is red. Look T, there's a bug. What do you see? Do you see the rock? No, baby, we don't eat rocks.") Unfortunately, I think I'd truly be a babbling idiot by the end of the day. I tried it a couple of times, but it's just unnatural. We talk about things when they're relevant.
How much of a leg up do these activities really provide? Am I stunting him in some way? My kid really likes to eat mulch right now. We're working on identifying his legs and telling his ears and head apart. How much better will he develop in "separation class" (seriously, you do an activity with your child and then leave halfway through to get them ready for preschool)? Just when I was finally feeling like I had this mommy thing under control I realize that there's always something new to worry about.
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4 comments:
Oh honey, please don't let you ever be detered from the most important thing you can give Tucker - YOU! Unless the goal is some sort of "super egghead" (and God knows I hope not) most of the stuff is more about the parent than the kid. Learning what mulch tastes like is one of lifes skills! Getting dirty and knowing above all that Mom and Dad love me unconditionally is far more important to a toddler than all the music lessons and early learning stuff in the world. You want music, sing to him - (I know you do, I've seen it) You want a kid that loves to learn and will when he's ready? Read to him and get him to love reading, learning and the process. (Again, I know you do, I've seen it.) Too many parents think shipping them off to give them a leg up is hugely important. Please consider what you give up to do that. Is it really worth it? He'll talk when he's ready, and before the year ends, you'll more than a few times wish he'd shut up, if only for a few minutes. You are an outstanding, caring, inspiration of a Mom. I'm ever so proud of you. You have a great kid, roll in it! Smile inappropriately, and hug his little round face for me! That's just my opinion, I could be wrong.....
Dude.
I mean, really, how do these women stay sane? For the record, you're an awesome mom and a way cool woman.
I'm really grateful to our parents that they never pressured us into activities, but still encouraged us in the ones we were interested in. This conversation makes me think about the kids in my fifth grade class who hated piano lessons but couldn't quit because of their moms. That's pretty far in the future but, in my opinion, that's the type of mom these ladies sound like.
I know I'm so qualified to have an opinion about parenting (ha!), but I've spent time around a few kids and the really interesting and creative ones were not the ones whose parents over-scheduled their lives. I really think that all kids will develop at their own pace and should be allowed to do so. Heck, I think I needed free time to just run around and explore and do weird stuff when I was little.
So, in conclusion, you are not stunting your child's growth. He will learn abc's, numbers, and what sound the chicken makes just as well from you as from an overburdened preschool teacher dealing with 7 other toddlers.
Thanks guys. I really needed to hear that.
Let me ask a rhetorical question...what's the difference between pre-school and "home school?" YOU! You are the difference that trumps all other activities, free or expensive. Tucker will learn the most important lessons of his life in the next five years, from not eating rocks (regularly anyway) to his understanding of God. All from his Mother and Father because you chose to invest yourself into his life at this most important time. Giving that over to others is second rate at best. Talking! Doesn't he already say "Mom" and "Dad"! Don't wish for "Can I have the car keys?" Blink twice and he will be there. I guess the most important decision I made about childrearing was to enjoy every stage of their lives to the fullest. The time comes too quickly that he will be off doing something without you and while you will be proud of him, you will miss the closeness.
Go with your friends and enjoy some pampering, but stick to your course as the right one by far. You will know which outside activities to scrape up the money for.
Thanks for being the best Mom a Grandfather could ask for his Grandson. (see me stepping down off my soapbox now!)
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