And to your right ...

I have a few links on my blog for sites that I read most days. My most recent addition my former course director's blog, First Efforts. She's a professor chick who specializes in visual rhetoric. She has some really interesting insights about what pictures tell us. I've really enjoyed reading it, especially this political season. Also, she has a great sense of humor.

Garden and the gnome

The first year we planted a vegetable garden, it grew beautifully. We had tomatoes coming out our ears and zucchini the size of our arms. I couldn't eat any of it of course, since I was puking 3 times a day ... but no matter. Last year I was excited for a repeat performance since I could enjoy the fruits of our labor. Alas, aside from a few handfuls of grape tomatoes, our garden was largely a bust.

This summer, I bought our veggie sprouts from the nursery we used the first year and bought a garden gnome to bring us good garden luck. I have to assume that since they're called "garden" gnomes, our little guy will bring us a bountiful harvest. Plus, he's carrying a frog and I like frogs.

Teaching him the important things

As part of teaching T his body parts, I'll do something silly when he correctly identifies a given part. For example, he gets tickled when he locates his belly. He gets his head rubbed when he finds his head. When he shows me his feet, I'll sniff them and say "pee-ewe, stinky feet." He thinks this is hysterical. Today he kept trying to say "pee-ewe." At least he's learning the important things for life. Banana and pee-ewe ... what else does a kid need to know?

Nom nom nom

Darn, if only I had more than 4 teeth.

Sippy Cup (and Shoe) Retention

I have to wonder what my sippy cup turnover is going to be by the time T is finished with them. I'm forever finding his sippy cups in new locations (like the ottoman, tupperware drawer and under various pieces of furniture). During naptime, I go searching for lost sippy cups since finding one with milk in it after a few days is truly revolting.

We also almost lose a shoe every time we go grocery shopping. Today I was in line at customer service to see if his shoe had been turned in when I saw it peeking out from under one of the produce bins. Babies would be much cheaper if you could hang onto the stuff you buy.

Crayons, or why I should trust my instincts

During the big evening out, one of the other moms was talking about the art projects her 10 month old son brings home from day care. I asked, with incredulity, what kind of art projects a 10 month old can make. She told me about finger paints and paint blobs.

I though T was a little too young for paints and crayons and art projects, but then I thought, if a 10 month old can do it, certainly my 13 month old can too. I went to Target and bought these beginner crayons. The packaging says they're for 12 months and older. All the commercials show babies delightfully coloring away, chubby little hands grasping the fat end. I even asked Ry to bring home some big paper from work so we would have a large space to work on.

So this morning I opened the crayons and laid out the big paper in the middle of the kitchen floor. Now, here's where I should've trusted my first instinct.

It. Was. A. Disaster.


First off, T was far more interested in trying to bite the heads off the crayons than using them. I spent a good 7 or 8 minutes just getting him to hold the darn things the right way. Joy! He actually made a few marks on the paper ... with the paint on the sides of the crayon holder. Then he thought it would be great fun to run around the kitchen marking on everything except the giant paper in the middle of the floor. Dishwasher, walls, floor, it didn't matter as long as it wasn't paper. I finally had enough when he plopped his little butt right in the middle of the paper and proceeded to wriggle around in every way he could think of to wrinkle the paper. Maybe we'll try again when everything doesn't go directly into his mouth.

Wii!! MarioKart!

Ry went and picked up his reserved copy of MarioKart for the Wii this morning. We've been playing ever since. This is probably the only video game that we own that I'm more excited about than him. We used to play this game for hours during the infamous summer. Tomorrow, back to being a grown up. We sure had fun today though.

Thoughts from cat

So, there I am, minding my own business on my favorite couch cushion. I've already been reduced to begging for the "food" to be refilled today. Then, I turn around and the big woman is coming at me with a hose attached to the giant sucking box. As if the daily humiliation I have to endure at the hands of the little one isn't enough. The next time she takes off her wedding ring, I'm eating it. I'm not giving it back until they take that vile thing back to the hospital.

Love currency

T really likes to feel our teeth. I assume this is because he's only got the 4 and they're new toys, so he wants to know how ours feel. Yesterday, we were sitting on the floor and he was feeling my teeth. I'm not sure how it got started ... I would let him feel my teeth and then when he started poking my gums, I'd close my mouth tight so he couldn't get his little fingers in. Then he'd grab my face and give me a big slobbery kiss. Then I'd let him feel the teeth again. This must've gone on for 15 or 20 minutes. Maybe it's wrong to barter for kisses, but I'd do it again.

Feelings of inadequecy

I went out this evening with several of the mothers from my mom's group. For the most part, I had a great time. I left a little early so I could stop and get a pedicure and enjoyed the first part of the dinner very much. Then came the inevitable mommy comparisons. Keep in mind that these are driven women who are college educated (often at the master's or JD level). These are women who expect the best of themselves and those around them. Their juniors take gym class, attend daily library activities, do art projects and participate in music class.

Several of the moms actually discussed how it was unfair to kids not to attend preschool for several years before kindergarten because they'd be so far behind. I'm not sure if we can afford preschool in a few years. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I know we can't afford $165 for 10 weeks of music class.

Here I was thinking that it was enough that T was happy and healthy. I realize it does no good to compare, but I can't help wondering if T isn't talking yet because he's not getting the proper stimulation. I'm just not one of those mommies who can give running commentary all day like you're supposed to ("Look T, it's a truck. What color is the truck? The truck is red. Look T, there's a bug. What do you see? Do you see the rock? No, baby, we don't eat rocks.") Unfortunately, I think I'd truly be a babbling idiot by the end of the day. I tried it a couple of times, but it's just unnatural. We talk about things when they're relevant.

How much of a leg up do these activities really provide? Am I stunting him in some way? My kid really likes to eat mulch right now. We're working on identifying his legs and telling his ears and head apart. How much better will he develop in "separation class" (seriously, you do an activity with your child and then leave halfway through to get them ready for preschool)? Just when I was finally feeling like I had this mommy thing under control I realize that there's always something new to worry about.

Dirt and a 13 month old

It doesn't seem to matter how often I wipe his hands and face. Nor does it matter if we aren't even in a dirty place. T will find the dirtiest thing around, put his hands in it, and likely try to eat it. I can't tell you how many times I've said "No baby, we don't eat rocks" today. He can be sitting completely still (a rare occurrence), and the dirt will leap onto him. Dirt hides in every little baby crevice, behind each ear, and under his fingernails. Dirt: thy home is baby.

Awesomeness

After many weeks of craigslist stalking, I finally secured a large climber for T. We were doing yard work outside and I came in and happened to refresh the craigslist page and the listing for this little beauty was the first on the list. The woman we bought it from said she had at least 3 other emails shortly after I emailed (15 minutes after the listing posted). Anyhow, we picked it up for a quarter of the retail price. Wahoo!!!!

There is also a picture of it loaded into the Pathfinder last night. Ry had a lot of pride in this load in. Yeah for an engineering degree.

Also, a picture of T "helping" us to clean it up. He had a blast. We had to strip him down to his diaper for naptime, he was soaked.

Yum

Diet Strawberry Limeade

1 Can Diet Sprite, Sierra Mist or generic clear soda
1 Teaspoon strawberry jam or preserves (not jelly)
1/6 Lime
Ice

Put ice in large cup (with lid works best). Put jam and lime juice in cup, followed by soda. Stir or shake until everything is, well, shaken. Enjoy. Yummy

Freedom

Three days before T's 13 month birthday, we dropped the final (nighttime) nursing. I find I am having two distinct and distinctly conflicting responses to this:

1. Joy. For the first time in almost two years, there is no one living in my body or drawing complete or supplemental nutrition from me. I can eat what I want, drink what I want and stop wearing the hideous nursing bras the fashion industry has left behind.

2. Melancholy. For me, this signals the end of my son's babyhood, even more so than walking. Also, I find that I'm really missing the baby snuggle time I had with him in the mornings and before bed. Ry has been putting him to bed for the last 3 nights. Last night, it only took 2 minutes, so even after I take over again, I won't have the delicious sleepy snuggle time before bed.

T, on the other hand, seems to be handling it pretty well. The first night Ry said he seemed confused, but ultimately drank the milk from the sippy cup and went right to bed. The second night, as he was getting sleepy, he kept trying to turn toward Ry, as if to nurse. (Hearing this later about broke my heart). He got a bit fussy, like "this isn't right." Last night, it took all of 2 minutes to put him down. He drank some from the sippy cup, looked up at Ry with heavy eyes and feel asleep in his crib 30 seconds later.

All in all, weaning T was nowhere near as bad as I feared (and heard) it was going to be. Granted, it was a 3 month process, but it was worth it to go so slowly.

T Tricks

Yesterday, T's Tantie was asking what new tricks he was doing these days. I gave her a few examples. He gets up from the floor on his own now, he tells us when he's all done at dinner, he practically climbs into the bathtub on his own. This might be my new favorite though. He'll empty his toy bucket and climb in. Then he'll spend a good 15-20 minutes hanging out in the bucket, climbing out and climbing back in.

I love the spring

We bought a counter-height table this month after 3 years of shopping. It's never just a table though. We realized that T's highchair was now too short for the table. He's going to be ready for a booster chair pretty soon, so we got him this one, that converts to a booster seat by removing the tray and the seat back. A happy consequence is that it's really easy to strap to our patio chairs. Here we are (well, here T is) in our first cookout of the season.

Score!

So I finally got a climber on craigslist yesterday. It's one of the little ones, but I figure I'll keep looking for a big one and in the meantime, T won't outgrow this one this summer anyhow. For 20 bucks, it's totally worth it!

You know what makes you feel old?

Going to register for classes at a community college. I realized that not only am I hopelessly uncool (and how cool can you be in flat shoes toting around your toddler?), but I am also much nearer the age of the instructors than the majority of the students. On the bright side, I may be able to find a babysitter in one of my classes!

For the moment, I'm registered for only one class. The evening classes appear to fill faster than the daytime classes and I'm a little late to the game for the fall semester. I also have to wait for my transcripts from high school and WIU to arrive before I know for sure how many classes I have to complete prior to the core nursing curriculum. Apparently, it takes about a month for credits to be applied, so it's looking like I'll only be taking one class this fall. It'll be good to break us into my going to school again.

Seriously cute

T has those little snap together beads that he mostly uses as chew toys. Today he would put his finger in the opening and pull it out. This made a little popping noise as the vacuum was broken. Then, he'd throw his head back and laugh. Again and again.

At least it's something

Yesterday, the NJ Senate passed a bill allowing for up to 6 weeks of paid leave to care for a new child or sick relative. Employees would receive 2/3 pay up to $524 per week. This makes NJ one of only 3 states in the country that have any version of paid family leave. The estimated cost to taxpayers is $33 per year. It's certainly not everything it could be, but it makes me proud to live in NJ and gives working mothers a chance to stay home for at least a little while with their newborns or families to care for each other without bankrupting themselves. Bravo NJ.

And the adventure begins

Today I finally got some of my questions answered about the admissions process for the nursing program. Turns out, they won't be needing my SAT scores (good thing, since they're 13 years old). The transcript from my undergrad and the application is all they need. I asked about my master's classes and the woman from the admissions office said something about them being "not applicable." Yeah, I'm going to be a big old waste of a master's degree.

Anyhow, I'll be admitted to a pre-nursing curriculum prior to the actual nursing program. They do this primarily because admission into the program is quite competitive and they want people to have finished all their prereqs before taking one of the available slots. Admission in the fall is for more traditional students. Classes are in the daytime. I'll be looking for admission in the spring, which offers evening and weekend classes. It looks like the earliest I'll be admitted to the actual nursing curriculum is spring 2010. Yikes. I should be able to start taking my prereq science classes this fall. All in all, it looks like it will take me almost as long to complete this AS program as my BA took. Guess that's what happens when you have other responsibilities.

The Colonel must have been thirsty

We were out running a few errands today when Ryan realized he was thirsty. The nearest fast food restaurant was KFC, so we drove through. I ordered a large soda for us to split and then rethought my choice and ordered an extra large. The girl at the drive through asked if I wanted a large or a mega jug. I am not a KFC frequenter. I thought mega jug was their way of saying extra large. This is what we received: a Mega Jug. This thing was not measured in ounces. No. Stamped proudly on the side was "Half Gallon." It comes with a handle. When the poor woman at the window handed it to me, I actually laughed in her face. Here's the saddest thing of all: over the afternoon we finished the damn thing.

Competition is fierce!

I've been trying to buy a used outdoor climber for several months now. I never realized how fierce the competition could be for these things. Almost as soon as one is posted on craigslist, someone has bought it. I guess no one else thinks a big cube of molded plastic is worth $200 either.

Things I've learned today

1. Grating 2 cups of carrots takes a lot more time than you might think.
2. My baby has seen me take his temperature enough times with the ear thermometer that he will now pretend to take his own temperature. This is absolutely adorable and keeps his hands away from his neither region while I change his diaper.
3. As bad as poopy diapers can be, I prefer them to changing the cat box.

The First of April

It just occurred to me that it's April Fool's Day. This is one of those holidays only celebrated by kids, the media and overgrown boys. Anyway, happy (merry, joyous?) April Fool's Day!

In other news, Ry is still out of town. I'm going to dinner with some friends tonight, which will help the week not suck. The mall where we're meeting has an extensive indoor kid's play area. It's been super rainy here the past couple of days, so aside from the big Target trip yesterday, T and I have been stuck inside. I think we're going to go to the mall early so he has time to blow off some steam. For some reason he has been ridiculously clingy the past 2 days. He wanted my attention every one of his waking hours yesterday. How do I keep this from becoming a habit? He's generally a pretty independent player, so I can only hope he's feeling a little clingy and will get over in a few days.

I just had a thought. We quit the morning nursing a few days ago. Perhaps this is the cause of his newfound insecurity? He didn't seem to miss it at all, but maybe this is the manifestation? I really expected to feel only relief at getting rid of the final 2 nursings per day. I'm finding that I miss my baby snuggle time in the morning (although not enough to start nursing again). I've been snatching him up for hugs and kisses more often to try and make up for it. This he enjoys not so much. It reminds me of the Jack Johnson song "I always have to steal my kisses from you." He'll kiss me back when he's in the mood.

I hope to have stopped the nighttime nursing by the time he's 13 months. I'm afraid this one will prove the most difficult. He's usually in a state close to coma by the time he's done nursing at night. I'm afraid the sippy cup just isn't going to cut it.

Well, I'm using my precious baby nap time to blog. I need to go do fun things like laundry. Happy April!

Evil, evil stairs

Yesterday morning, both Ry and I fell down our stairs. Ry kind of slid down the last two stairs with T in his arm (I've never moved so fast). Everyone OK. Then, about 15 minutes later, I tripped on the 4th or 5th stair and landed, hard, on my left tail cheek. I have a black bruise about 2 inches by 6 inches. It woke me up every time I moved last night. Our stairs are trying to maim us.

The Colony

I justed finished The Colony by John Tayman. It is a historical narrative of the leprosy settlement on Molokai, Hawaii. While the book has come under some fire for sensationalism, it was still a fascinating read.

The settlement began in the 1860s when 12 poor people were dumped off a boat onto the Kalawao peninsula without medical care, food or supplies. During it's first years, the death rate was over 50%. The book follows the settlement through it's final years of forced exile (in the 1960s). At its height, there were over 1100 people living in the settlement. It's truly an object lesson in what happens when panic and fear overcome rationality and empathy. At the same time, some truly outstanding individuals gave their lives to make life as beautiful as possible.

Leprosy is today called Hansen's disease and is one of the least contagious infections around. 95% of people have a natural immunity to it and for the other 5%, a series of unlikely situations has to occur to become infected. Today, Hansen's disease is treated with 3 powerful doses of antibiotics. After the first dose, the person is no longer contagious and at the end of treatment, the disease is gone. Left untreated, Hansen's disease sufferers lose sensation, eyesight, and limbs. Like HIV, most people die from other complications enabled by the infection.

As of the publish date in 2006, 28 people still lived in the settlement. It has become a national park and is a testament to society's cruelty and man's compassion and selflessness. I hope to visit someday.

If your friends are stupid ...

... and most people are ...

We had dinner with a dear friend of mine from long ago while we were in DC. She and I hung out almost continuously for several years through grade and middle school. I hadn't seen her in probably 8 years but found that we still had lots to talk about and many laughs.

As kids we had some crazy adventures. We made forts in neighbors' pine trees, spent endless hours in climbing trees, participated in a bug club, and taped hours of our own brand of crazy radio shows. I subjected Ry to an hour of one on the way home, "Sounds of Nature." Along with songs we made up were commercials, impressions, interviews and live concert feeds. One of the commercials began with the line "If your friends are stupid (and most people are) ..." Hehe. I am amazed by kid's ability to make stuff up. I have to imagine that my friend's mom had to have just shaken her head. I can't wait to see what T is going to come up with.

DC in review

T and I accompanied Ry on a business trip to DC this week. I like to think of these little trips as mini vacations. I walked my tail off this time. On Tuesday, T and I took in the traditional DC sites. Although I've been to DC twice, I didn't know that there was an FDR monument. It's really quite beautiful and covers many aspects of his presidency. Here T is joining in the depression-era soup kitchen line.

I met a really nice old dude staffing the info desk at the metro. He gave us some great out of the way kodak stops and ideas for when T gets a bit older.

We went to the zoo yesterday. It's the first free zoo I've ever been to. It did make for an interesting zoo experience. There were many more teenage hangers-out than you might normally see at the zoo. Overall, it was worth the stop, although I wouldn't plan a whole day around it.

Unfortunately, next week Ry leaves for a trip to Fort Worth, TX. Since this one involves a plane, we won't be coming.

What a difference a year makes

Happy Easter!

Perfectly Average

T had his 1 year check up today. He is nearly perfectly average in every way. Today he is 30 and 3/4 inches long and weighs 22 pounds, 1 ounce. That puts him in the 55th percentile for both (and for his head circumference). Developmentally he is right on track and his physical was great. The doctor pronounced him "just perfect." My just perfect baby ...

Another trip successfully navigated

We just returned from a long trip back home. Most of our family was there for at least part of the trip. I love returning to Oz. So many of the people we love are there.

For his part, T was charming and made everyone smile. He also finally cut 2 teeth. It's quite strange to see them poking through after a year of toothless, gummy smiles. I'm glad we've been flying with him since he was small. He travels like a champ, although the days of him flying on our laps are just about over. We'll do that once more when we go to Atlanta to see my sister graduate. Then we have to start buying 3 tickets! Yikes.

On a side note, T loves kids around his age. Yesterday we were having lunch and another woman sat at the table next to us with her son. T went crazy waving to the baby and twisting in his chair to see him. The other baby, for the record, looked confused.

No one had to be smacked

We had a very successful baptism weekend, and no one had to be smacked. The baptism went beautifully, and T was good for the entire church service. He had a little meltdown after the service, but I think it was because he was ready to get down and play. The apre-service get together went really well. There were probably 40 people at dad and stepmom's house. Food was good, fellowship was better, and T enjoyed the entire thing. Successfully navigated.

Not quite what I was going for

T likes to push buttons on the receiver. Today I kept telling him no as he reached for the dial. Since he was pulling his hand away, I thought it was working ... until he started giggling each time I told him no.

Emporia: A Play

J and Ry are sitting in their living room. J is on the couch, scratching a crossword lotto ticket. Ry is on the loveseat, surfing the internet. J looks up at Ry quizzically.

J: Emporia? Is emporia a word? I've never seen a word on these I didn't know.

Ry: Isn't it a store with a bunch of stuff?

J: No, that's an emporium. Look it up for me?

Ry: It's killing you isn't it? A word you don't know? Welcome to my world. Ry taps a few keys on the internet. Emporia, a town in Kansas.

J: Ha! It isn't a word!

Ry: Wait, emporia, plural of emporium. Plural could be emporiums or emporia.

J: Hrm.

The Toothpaste Game

I am the perennial loser in the toothpaste game. You may be wondering what I'm talking out. Ry and I use the same toothpaste. When we get to the end of the tube, both of us continue to use the toothpaste until it looks like the specimen here. I think Ry does it because he doesn't want to go searching for the new toothpaste in the hall closet. I keep eking out the toothpaste in some perverse desire to see if Ry will actually replace the tube. I always lose. This morning, the work it takes to get anymore from this tube was more work than I was up for. Now there's a new shiny tube in the vanity.

A Few Things

1. When T chews on his blue shoes, it turns his mouth and tongue blue, prompting a moment of great concern.
2. All the airlines are looking for ways to squeeze money from their customers. This morning I was charged a "seat fee" of $5 per seat, per flight in order to pick my own seat. Otherwise, it's the airline seat lottery. My luck, I'd end up on the opposite end of the flight from Ry, in the middle, next to smelly lady and scary staring guy.
3. The Wacky Gym is neither wacky, nor a gym. It's a big room with some big baby toys that costs $7 per hour. The zipline looked like fun, but I don't think T could've held on for long.
4. It was totally worth the $3 I spent at Chick-Fil-A to let T play in their Toddler Play Area for an hour.
5. I enjoy talking to other educated, articulate women about something other than poo and naptime.
6. Playdates are only partly about the kids.
7. No matter how many toys you have, tupperware is still the favorite toy.
8. It's leap day. Ry suggested I dress T in his frog costume and take him out on errands all day.

T takes his first steps!

Two of them, to be exact ... right into Ry's arms. He just stood up and walked into his arms. For the rest of the night we've been making him walk between us. We're slave drivers, I know. He mostly leans too far forward and kind of falls into our arms.

T and I went to a book club meeting this morning with two little girls who were both walking. He studied them the entire time we were there. Apparently he learned a lot. *Sniffle* My baby is growing up so fast!

Numbers

10 - Number of days until we go back to Illinois
11 - Number of days until T is baptized
15 - Number or days until my baby is a year old! (Insert quiet sobbing here).
26 - Number of days until we accompany Ryan to Washington DC
90 - Number of minutes until I go to my first book club meeting
180 - Number of minutes before T falls asleep in his car seat and doesn't take a nap at home

Real Life Kid's Products

Introducing the Real Life line of baby and children's products:

Real Life Crayons (also come in bath soaps) - colors include:

• Angry Baby Red
• Baby Eye Blue
• Merconium Green
• Spit Up White
• Poo Brown
• Poo Green
• Poo Orange
• Poo Yellow
• Baby Bottom Pink
• Oatmeal
• Chalk Board Black

Doo Rags Diapers
Packed in Little Squirt, Streams of Poo and Sh*t Storm sizes

Butt Rags Wipes

Butt Paste Diaper Cream (we'll have to team up with Boudreaux's)

The Plug Pacifiers - sold in a two-pack and packaged in an outlet-style box

The "Juice Me" Series of products to include:

The Juicer and Power Juicer Breast Pumps

• Bottles are larger at the bottom to keep them from tipping over when you finish pumping and try to put down the bottle only to accidentally spill it all over your carpet.

Juice Me Nursing Pillow
Juice Me Travel Nursing Pillow (two versions, one you have to blow up, the other with a built in air pump)

Bottles, Nursing Pads, Sippy Cups

Kiddotel

Now that T is mobile, we're learning that traveling with him is quite an adventure. With that in mind, I'd love to create the Kiddotel. Kiddotel would cater to families with kids of all ages. I'm thinking it would have to be in a kid mecca like Orlando. It would also be Hawaiian-themed. Again, because I said so.

Kiddotel would have a variety of hotel suites featuring twin beds, cribs and kitchenettes. Many would be baby-proofed, and they'd all come with a Wii. Guests will receive a lei upon check in and the room mini-bars will feature juice boxes and milk in addition to soda and beer.

The first floor would have an indoor/outdoor sea-turtle shaped pool (with waterslide), hot tub and kiddy pool. There would also be an indoor playground, gameroom, gym (with staffed nursery), and 2 restaurants. One restaurant would be staffed Ed Debevic's-style (probably not quite so snarky since trama meltdowns are poor for business). The wait staff will break out in nursery rhyme skits, songs and other silliness. The other restaurant will be a bit more "Dave and Barry's" for those with older kids or the crazies who didn't realize what they were getting into. It'll have a karaoke station and a bar (well stocked with adult beverages). A separate area will be a teen dance floor to cater to the awkward vacation romances that inevitably occur.

The front desk will offer stroller rental and there will be a shuttle to area attractions featuring car seats of various sizes. The lobby will be stocked with fishtanks full of tropical fish and lotsa crazy flowers. There will also be a spa with traditional adult type services (manicure/pedicure, massage, facials) and hair braiding, henna tattoos and face painting. It'll be the ultimate vacation destination for increasing numbers of families who travel with their children.

Keiki Cafe

I am always running into other mothers of young (pre-kindergarten) kids when I'm out and about. Like me, they're looking for things to do with their young'uns to get out of the house. Unfortunately, most places (if they're kid-friendly) are geared towards much older kids. I've met moms at bookstores, coffee shops, malls, Target-boutique, and even grocery stores that are looking for ways to get out of the house and expend some energy.

Thus was born the idea for Keiki Cafe (Keiki is Hawaiian for kid). Why Hawaiian? Because I said so. Anyhow, the Cafe will be a Bistro/Coffee Shop in the Hawaiian theme. Lots of fresh food, simple meals and friendly folks. In addition to traditional adult fare, it will offer steamed veggies as side dishes (I'm astounded by how few kid's meals aren't fried) and lots of fresh fruit. It will also sell baby food, whole milk and baby emergency items (disposable bibs, diapers, sippy cups). It might also sell my line of fun baby stuff.

The center of the cafe will have a sunken play area designed for the under 5 set. The floor will be that cool cushy stuff they make from tires and the playsets will continue the Hawaiian theme with giant flowers, sea turtles and pineapples. Tables will flank the sunken play area so moms (and dads) can keep tabs on their kids while they eat. The walls will be lined with chalk boards for table-time distraction. It will also have wireless internet for work at homers who have the kids.

Bathrooms will feature adult and kid sized everything (if you've been in the bathroom at a Babies R'Us you know what I mean). It'll also have a cushy chair for women who prefer to nurse in private.

So, what do you think? Seriously, I'd like your opinions. I certainly don't have the money (or time) to start something like this, but I've had a lot of ideas since T was born, and I'd really like to get some feedback. Is the niche too small? I realize that it could only be supported in a middle/upper income area. Would I have to broaden the concept? Anyhow, your feedback?

We've traveled quite extensively with T. I have another idea for a Kiddotel. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work nationwide, but might make a nice addition to kid-magnets like Orlando, FL. I'll expand on this one in another post.

Snow Day!

We woke up to about 3 inches of snow this morning, and have gotten another 2 or 3 since then. This is T's first adventure in the snow. I can't decide if he was having fun or merely humoring us. Either way, we had fun.

Kiddie Mosh Pit

Last night we experienced Miss Amy at a Chik-Fil-A nearby. I love Chik-Fil-A ... but I digress. Miss Amy is a middle-aged woman who sings and dances with toddlers. Holy crap do they love her. There were at least 25 little people bumping into each other, the walls, and the floors. Luckily, she stopped after about 45 minutes. Tucker was absolutely fascinated by the madness. It didn't deter him from eating dinner, but, still, he was fascinated. I think I'm in for more Miss Amy.

Really strange dreams

Last night, T let us sleep through the night until 5:30 (hooray feeling better baby!). As a consequence, my body must have done some really strange things with the extra sleep. The two dreams I remember from last night were, to say the least, strange:

1. Fred Thompson (the one who ran for President) and his silly wife were trying to seduce me by buying me expensive clothes and wine.

2. A woman I knew from a previous job (and haven't thought of since) was hired to be a bodyguard. She was telling me about her new job, which included guarding against a very large, blue snake that tried to eat the left side of my face before she shot it.

Psyche, what are thou saying?

Seriously, feel better, ok?

Poor little man is still feeling crummy today. This is day #4 with a temperature, runny nose, and scary cough. When we checked on him at 4 am, his temperature was over 102 F. He got a tepid bath at 4 am. The temperature is lower today, but he still obviously feels ug. It makes my heart hurt to see him so uncomfortable. I had to go to CVS today to get more baby Tylenol and "probe covers" (take a wild guess what those are for).

He's sleeping on Ry right now. While he took a nap in his crib this morning, it wasn't very long, and I think he gets cold since he's running a temperature. He's taken most of his naps on one or the other of us during the past 3 days. If he's not feeling better tomorrow, I'm calling the doctor.

Bawawawawawa

Virginia Beach Aquarium

We took T to the Virginia Beach Aquarium while we were there this week. He was fascinated, especially by being able to touch the alligator and rays. He didn't want to leave the big tanks. I think he'd have happily spent an hour at any given exhibit. I also got my sea otter fix, so it was a good visit for all of us.

Poor baby, feel better soon

T has been feeling poorly for the past couple of days. It started with a phlegmmy sounding cough earlier this week and progressed yesterday to a full-fledged cold. Amazingly, this is the first time he's been sick in his life.

We have an ear thermometer and discovered today that when a child has an ear infection, you are likely to get two drastically different temperatures in each ear. He's handling it pretty well. He is crankier than normal, but not what I would expect from a sick kid. The upside for me is that he's been very snuggly. Poor, poor boy.

Survived the tornadoes ... going to the beach

T and I spend last week with my mom in Memphis. Other than spending an hour or so in the closet during the freak February tornadoes, we had a great time. It's nice having someone to chat with during the day.

I have decided that I will not be traveling alone with my son again unless he has his own seat. On the first flight, there was no one sitting next to us. I was able to strap T in so he could have his dinner and I could get into my bag. The flight home was a bit more complicated. We sat next to a man with no personality that I could detect. T was really good, but it was still nigh impossible to get anything out of my bag for him to eat or play with. With Ry, I think we have a few more months. Without him, T gets his own seat.

We're going with Ry to Virginia Beach this week. As fun as it will be, it's only supposed to be in the 50s, so it's not really a "beach" vacation. We'll be staying right on the boardwalk though, so lots of long walks are in my future. There is also supposed to be a good aquarium in town, so we'll be checking that out. Last time we went to PetsMart, T cried when we left the kitties (and the fish, birds and rodents). The aquarium should be fun.

This is why there are not so many postings lately. Will do my best to catch back up after Thursday.

Happy Anniversary to Us

Happy Anniversary to Us! We're going out with Tucker, since we weren't able to find a babysitter. At least we're going out.

Baby OCD

The other night T had his jammies on the ottoman. He spent between 10 and 15 minutes taking them off the ottoman and putting them on the floor. Then, back on the ottoman. Floor. Ottoman. Floor. Ottoman. Floor. Ottoman. Well, you get the idea. Funny how he has all these toys and his favorite activities are playing with the tupperware, climbing on his highchair and flinging his clothes around.

Hooray new tires

The BMW had a big bubble on one of the tires for the past month or so (yes, Dads, I know we shouldn't have been driving on it). Since we only had a month or so of treadlife, we had to replace all 4 tires. Ryan ordered some tires online and we got them installed today. Whew. It makes me feel a lot better knowing that it's fixed. Plus, Ry says it makes a huge difference in the way it drives. Hooray new tires!

Mmmm, sleeping baby

T has been taking really inconsistent naps lately. I think he's transitioning to one nap per day. I'm OK with that, since the number of 2+ hour naps has been increasing. It's amazing what you can do when your baby is asleep for 2 hours.

The funniest, dirtiest man on TV

Mike Rowe, who hosts Dirty Jobs, was recently interviewed by Fast Company magazine. I've always enjoyed his sense of humor during the show, but I laughed until I cried when I read this piece of the article. Prior to Dirty Jobs, Mike hosted the graveyard shift on QVC. He had just returned from a weekend including lots of beer when he got the opportunity to host the prime time slot. Here is what happened next:

'He had just returned from a weekend getaway involving the beach, a case of Dos Equis, and one of those hand models, when a Sunday-evening emergency call arrived from the studio: The prime-time host was ill. Eager to prove his mettle, Rowe rubbed the weekend from his eyes and headed into work, only to find a display of collectible girlie dolls waiting for him. "There were dozens of little hobbits," he recalls, still sounding vaguely offended some 18 years later. "Little pixies from another time, just sitting there like these little Victorian whores. I thought it was a joke."

He was about to be humiliated in his first shot at prime time. "I'd already called everyone I knew to watch." The producer tried to calm him down, but in his panic, Rowe just reverted to his usual shtick. He picked up the first doll, Rachel--"a nightmare in crushed velvet"--by the hair and plopped her in his lap. "I think I described her as 'soulless, a little creepy but kind of hot,' and as 'a runaway from Little Women,'" he says now, rubbing his head. The crew on the set was dumbstruck. But, Rowe says, "I was really encouraged because the little whore sold out in record time."

Then someone handed Rowe a 2-foot nun doll named Sister Mary Margaret. "If you wound her up, she played 'Climb Every Mountain,' which I thought was hysterical." Rowe had four minutes to kill but ran out of material in 30 seconds, including the time he spent having her spank him with a ruler. Then he tried to crank up her music feature. "I've already announced that she plays music, and I'm squeezing her hand, looking around her neck, but I can't figure it out." When the technical director finally cut away to a display version of the same doll, Rowe, in desperation, turned the little sister upside down in his lap and peeled down her garment. He finally found the crank "in the small of her back, but it's really sort of in her ass." Unfortunately, the technical director cut back to Rowe without warning: "Suddenly, I see myself live on the monitor, with Sister Mary Margaret's face in my crotch, my hand on her ass, and her habit around her neck. And the damn thing is playing 'Climb Every Mountain.'" Rowe froze in horror, then made an unfortunate gesture not suitable for prime time. "It was not good."

By the time he got home, his answering machine was jammed. "The 47th message was my boss, inviting me not to come back," says Rowe. But an outcry from viewers earned him a second chance. "I was always on double supersecret probation," he says. And he rarely made it off the graveyard shift. He lasted three years.' (courtesy of Fast Company, Feb 2008).

Seriously, this man should report the news. I'd watch.

I'm up

It's 11:30 pm. I'm awake. Apparently sleeping next to someone for 4 years has rendered me completely unable to complete a task I did quite competently on my own for the first 24 years. Thankfully, my sleep inducer is coming home tomorrow.

In addition to not having warm husbandly goodness the past 3 days, I've also been doing a bit of soul-searching. I've enjoyed my two jobs post-grad school well enough. I'm just feeling that there must be something else I'm meant to be doing. I don't know what that is. In all reality, I probably won't be doing much of anything for a few years, but still, it keeps me up at night.

My life is so overfull of love, contentment and blessing that I should be passing that on in some form. HR, while lucrative for us, never turned me on the way other things have. After having a child and doing some reading around birth/nursing/etc I've been fired up about helping women to make their own choices about how these events unfold. While I don't regret my decisions during T's birth, I often wonder if I would have made different ones if the doctor hadn't come in 30 minutes after we got to the hospital and hooked me up to a pitocin drip. I credit one of the night nurses at the hospital with the fact that I am nursing T today. Without this night angel, I'm pretty sure I would have given up. Could I be a nurse/midwife? Or a lactation consultant? How does one become a lactation consultant, exactly?

I'm reading a book about the founding of the United States. I never realized what a strange and lucky occurrence it was. It, like many other books I've read recently, makes history come alive in a way that 12 years of school never did. If I had it to do over again, I think I'd be a history major, focusing in American Indian or Hawaiian history.

Then I read about the genocide in Darfur (and all over the globe) and wonder how I can make a difference in a country half a world away. Somehow donating a few dollars just doesn't cut it.

I admire people who know what they want to be when they grow up. I've never felt that passion for something. Lately, I've been feeling a passion to do something ... I just don't know what.

Sorry to drag you all into my late night ramblings. I'm hoping that getting them out of my brain might allow me to turn off for the night. Good night. Sleep tight.

I can has your attention now?

Every night after T goes to bed, Chief climbs up on Ry and demands his attention. It doesn't much matter what he's doing, reading, using the laptop, playing the DS, Chief crowds it all out. Poor kitteh is lonely.

Happy Lazy Day

The sum total of our productivity today was 0. It was lovely. Ry, T and I had a quiet little day in our beautiful new living room and didn't do much other than eat and snuggle. After a busy two weeks, it was just what we were looking for. I'm changing from last night's pjs into tonight's after a shower. Ahh.

Crabby baby sleeps

My baby has been extraordinarily crabby today. In his highchair, he cried. On the floor, he cried. In the shopping cart, he cried. In general, he cried today. It was a huge relief when he went to bed.

Whew

After several weeks of family here, our little house is quiet again. I'm sad. I really miss having family around ... they're good company. We also got the hardwood floors installed in the living room. Aren't they pretty?

Merry Christmas!

The Poopie Diaries Continued

"Oh look, T is crawling over to me. What a cute baby I have. Aw, he put his little head in my lap, I'm so glad I decided to have kids. What's on the carpet? Is that a popcorn kernel? Oh geez, it's poo. Oh ... it's under my thumbnail. Where's it coming from? Let's check your diaper kid. Oh man, poo all the way up the back. Alright then, let's go upstairs.

Stand up little man, I need to take your shirt off. One arm, now the other. Now the pants. Ok, let's lay down. Get some wipes ready here. And, off with the diaper. I'll put it behind you on the changing table. No, T, don't grab at that. T, I said no! Oh geez, now there are poo wipes on the floor. This just gets better and better. Ok, one hand on the baby, one hand picking up the wipes. How do I wrap this diaper? Whew, into the trash with you. Alright naked baby, let's go downstairs and take a bath.

Try not to pee on me, Ok?"

OK, just kidding

I went out to do the Christmas grocery run today. Oh, my, goodness ... not only was the store packed, what is normally a 20 minute drive home took nearly 40. When I said I missed the Christmas craziness, I was just kidding. Seriously.

Many Mini Meltdowns

Tucker has figured out how to throw a tantrum (aren't you all excited you decided to come see us now?). He's really interested in an outlet by our television. While he can't really hurt himself since the outlet closes as soon as you pull the plug out, it's not something I want him to play with. Today he kept pulling on the cords, even after a stern "no". When he actually pulled it out, I would pick him up and sit him across from the room and tell him "I said no". This prompted a tantrum that lasted about 60 seconds (until he found something else to pique his interest). I'm excited for him figuring out that tantrums don't work.

Because he's not fat enough

Chief ate my Chex Mix leftovers last night.

The Anticipation is Killing Me

For the first time this year, I am finished with all my Christmas shopping. In fact, I've been mostly done for several weeks now. I'm currently in some kind of strange holding pattern until family begins arriving on Sunday. I won't start the cleaning/grocery shopping for guests until tomorrow. This is a really unfamiliar feeling for me. For the past several years, I've been rushing around with all the other crazies trying to finish my Christmas shopping. This year, I'm done. There's nothing to do but wait. Do you remember the day before your birthday when you were a kid? This has been my feeling for the past week or so, made worse by the fact that Ry was out of town most of the week. It's killing me!!

Shweaty Balls? It must be Christmas!

Every year, Saturday Night Live does a Christmas Special showcasing some of the funniest SNL skits from the Christmas season. Every year I watch it for one skit: Shweaty Balls. This skit is, in my opinion, one of the funniest ever to come out of SNL. With lines like "I can't wait to get my mouth around your balls" and "If you order now, you can still get one of our Shweaty Ball Sacs", how can you keep from laughing? I was going to link to it from the blog, but with all the copyright crap, it's nowhere to be found online anymore. Here's to hoping you caught the skit this year and have your very own Shweaty Balls!

Some random thoughts

• My baby poos what seems an unnatural amount. Lately it seems like every time I pick him up there is poo to be changed. It's a shame I didn't keep track of the diaper count, because it's nearing what it was when he was a newborn.
• Daytime TV is scary. I generally watch Rachel Ray or The Price is Right when I get to work out in the morning. The other day, the TV stayed on after I finished yoga. Who are these people? A sampling of topics on Maury and Jerry Springer: "3 Babies, 1 Daddy", "The Secret Sex Lives of Teenage Girls" and "Deer Hunter" (a particularly spirited debate between two hunters about who was going to keep the woman they appeared to be passing between them). Also, the commercials on Rachel and Price are generally for Target, Power Chairs, life insurance and Pampers. Guess who the target audience is? Commercials on the others are for accident lawyers and payday loan places. While it was an interesting study, from now on, I'll be turning off the TV after yoga, as per usual.
• Christmas trees make me happy. It's hard to be in a bad mood when you have a cheerfully decorated tree that makes the house smell like a pine forest. It's a shame they have to die for my happiness, but I really hate fake trees.
• It's an ugly day. I used to wake up and dread these days because I still had to get out of the house and to work. Now, T and I get to hole up and play snow day.
  
• Last night, Ry made dinner. :)
• I'm really looking forward to having a house full of people for Christmas. It just doesn't seem like a holiday without more people than you have places for them to sit.
• T is 9 months old today! How is this possible?
  

Ho Ho F@#*ing Ho

The Christmas season really brings out the best in people. In what should be a time when people reflect on the blessings in their lives and choose how to share those blessings, most people are more stressed, uptight and angry than at any other time of the year.

Case #1: In line at Michael's to buy candles for my advent wreath, I saw another mother with a little girl a few months older than T. I smiled at her and T gave her a big, toothless grin. We started a little conversation when the mother turned around, gave me an evil glare and pushed her child and cart in front of her so we could no longer see each other. I have a baby for goodness sake! I'm not a creepy old crank staring at your baby.

Case #2: We were driving through a parking lot, apparently too slowly. The car behind us honked at us. How dare we drive through the parking lot?

For anyone who might be stressing about gifts for us ... don't. We have everything we need. Thank you for the thought, but we'd rather have your company (or phone calls) than anything you could buy for us. Have a wonderful Christmas remembering the real reason for the season.

The Poopie Diaries

When He Was 9 Months Old, There Was A Very Big Poo

It was a very big poo ...

Today T was in his exersaucer playing. I left the room and when I came back, Ry asked if I smelled "that". I did indeed. I pulled T out of the saucer and took a quick inventory. Whew, I thought, it wasn't exploding out any clothing ... that I saw.

So upstairs we went. I put T on the changing table and was about to get down to business when I saw what appeared to be poo on the bottom of his socks. A quick sniff confirmed my suspicions. Then I pondered ... how did he get poo on the bottom of his socks? Just about that time, I heard Ry coming up the stairs.

He said that the smell didn't leave the room with T and he discovered poo all over the bottom of the saucer. Now ... remember there was no noticeable poo coming out of any clothing. When we peeled off his pants we discovered that he pooed down his leg enough to cover the bottom of the saucer in poo. Truly, one of the more disgusting moments of my life as a mother. He went straight from changing table to bath.

Today, I'm Calamity Jane

It's been one of those days. I ordered a Christmas present online to be picked up at the Circuit City near us. When I arrived, there was one other guy waiting in line, but it still took the woman at the register no fewer than 20 minutes to acknowledge my presence and get my purchase. Then, they had to go looking for the rebate for the item. All told, I was at Circuit City for 30 minutes. I could've walked to the item and purchased in in less than 5. Yeesh.

Then I went to Wegman's for a quick lunch and to do some grocery shopping for Jo's visit this weekend. I bought my meal and managed to wrangle it, my soda, my shopping bags and T upstairs to eat. After I got him strapped into the highchair I realized that I forgot to get napkins and a fork. Luckily, the staff must've had a meeting in the room because there were cups of utensils and napkins at a nearby table.

I finished my meal and refilled my soda, only for it to crush and spill soda all over myself, the floor and T. A very nice man from Wegman's cleaned up my mess, walked me downstairs and refilled my soda for me (I think he was just afraid of what other damage I would do). I grabbed the soda from him right about the time that T decided to puke all over himself, me and my shoe. Ah, the balancing act of parenthood. I was finally ready to do my shopping when I realized the cart I had chosen didn't have the baby tie-downs in the front. I had to pick a new cart and transfer all the aforementioned items into the new cart. Meanwhile, the line of impatient shoppers waiting for carts was growing long.

Somehow I managed to do all my grocery shopping without further mishap. I thought about stopping to pick up a bottle of wine for the weekend, but thought better of it when I imagined the mess red wine could make in our car.

I'm not leaving the house again today.

T - The Thanksgiving Edition

We had a great time in Illinois over Thanksgiving. Everyone ooohed and aaahed over how big T has gotten. He's starting to crawl now, mostly backwards. He hasn't gotten crazy mobile, but I'm afraid we aren't far from it.

I also got a chance to reconnect with 2 of my friends from high school. It was really nice talking with them and catching up on what is going on in their lives. I also realized that they pass the beer test and it's a shame we all live so far apart.

Thanksgiving dinner was yummy as always, and T got his first tastes of turkey, stuffing and sweet potatoes. For the most part he liked them, although this was often the first face.

Laurel and I went out in to the Black Friday craziness. We were only out for about 2 hours, which was plenty long, but it was actually pretty fun. Best Buy was wheeling employees through the store hawking the best deals. It was like live E-Bay. I also got some Christmas shopping done, which is good since our Christmas budget is wee this year.

We went back to NJ on Saturday. It's always hard for me to leave. I miss you, Oz.

Insurance-Bots

I'm really tired of dealing with insurance companies. At the time T was born, we had 2 health insurers: BCBS and Aetna. One might think that with double insurance we might not have anything to pay out of pocket. One would be wrong. One might also think that the insurance carriers could work things out between them. Again, one is a horribly misguided soul.

Our biggest problem has been that we never added T to BCBS, so they are denying any claim having to do with him (even the hospital/birth stuff). Aetna is denying the same claims, saying that BCBS is responsible since the charges have to do with the birth and I was insured. I think we finally got this worked out with many hours spent talking to both carriers and the hospital. Why they all can't talk to each other is beyond me.

We've also learned a valuable little lesson about marketing and plan language. Aetna's 2007 brochure said something along the lines that all maternity was covered after the first doctor's visit and that women can stay in the hospital for 48 hours after birth. Seems like everything is paid for, right? Wrong, the brochure also says that the copay for a hospital visit is $500 per day. Sneaky how they leave that out of the maternity section, eh? When we called Aetna we might as well have talked to the automated service. The reps kept repeating themselves over and over without actually listening to what we were saying. So we're on the hook for about $430 we weren't expecting.

What amazes me is what the insurance companies actually pay for any given service. One of the bills for T's birth was over $19,000. BSBC paid $2,010. That was the contracted rate. Seriously, they paid a little over 10% of the original bill. How do people without insurance get along? One might think they get screwed. One would probably be correct.

PSA: Carbon Monoxide Detectors

My mother has been experiencing some strange symptoms over the past several weeks. The other day she had her furnace serviced only to be told that it had a crack and had been leaking. Her symptoms were likely caused by CO poisoning. They didn't have a CO detector.

Please please please, if you do not have a CO detector, go out today and get one. Remember when you install them that CO is heavier than air and will sink. Make sure your detector is on the floor, not the ceiling. CO is scary scary stuff. Go today.

Tucker's Christmas List

A bunch of you have been asking what Tucker needs for Christmas. Here's his list:

• 529 Contributions
• Any Disney Classics – DVDs
• Veggie Tales DVDs
• CDs – Any non-obnoxious baby CD to play in the car
• Clothes – 12 months for fall/winter – 18 months for spring/summer
• Shoes – Sizes 4 & 5
• Snowsuit – Small 12 months
• Books – Rhyming books, especially the “touch and feel” variety
• Toys –
• Fisher Price – Any of the “stack and smile” series. He’s already getting the alligator from us.
• Large Size Legos
• Tub Toys – without paint, especially the leaded kind
• Radio Flyer Wagon
• Whatever looks interesting
• Backpack carrier accessories from Toughtraveler.com (sun shield, rain shield, etc).
• Weather shield (rain shield) for Schwinn M3 jogging stroller.

What to exhaust next?

Since I quit my job, I'm starting to feel like the baby did, indeed, eat my brain. I've been reading a lot of fiction, including Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. This is an eye-opening look at intersex (formerly hermaphrodite) individuals. It's truly a shame that our culture feels a need to "fix" babies who don't look typical instead of allowing them to make their own decisions down the road. A seriously excellent read. I can't loan it to you ... borrowed from the library.

I feel as if I'm really getting my tax dollar out of our fair city's shared spaces. I walk in our little "Central Park" nearly every morning and frequent the library. It's funny that the fewer taxes we pay, the more we utilize the benefits of those taxes.

But I digress ...

I'm looking for a new topic to investigate to death. Previous interests have included neaderthals, mormonism and slavery during pre-civil war New Orleans. I need to feed my brain with some non-fiction, but nothing has peaked my interest as of late. Any suggestions? As a bonus for you, you'll probably get to hear all about it the next time we see each other. I'm going a meandering through the non-fiction section of the library during my next trip. Maybe something will jump at me.

Hoppy Halloween!

Fun with pumpkins

We carved pumpkins this weekend. T wasn't much help, but he had fun.

Marketing at its finest

As you may or may not know I try to buy organic/free range food whenever I can. Organic cheeses at the grocery stores near us cost private school tuition. When I saw this package, I thought, OK, sounds good. Then, I got home and read the fine print on the back:

Our 3rd Limited Edition Cheese is Pasture Grazed Cheddar, which features authentic cheese taste that results that graze on pasture. To capture this wonderful flavor, we selected two special dairy farms in Southwest Wisconsin this past spring. Their Holstein, Swiss, and Jersey cows went out to pasture for several months -- and they enjoyed life on the open range the whole season long. The rolling, lush green hills, sweet green grasses, calm summertime breezes and cool, clean well water - all combine to make a Cheddar cheese with a smooth, rich, cream and slightly sweet, yet earthy flavor.

Well, thank goodness they got a whole SEASON of life on the range. Are you freaking kidding me? That's like taking veal on vacation and calling it free range.

Dear Jennifer

Dear Jennifer,

Thanks for contacting us regarding our return policy. I'm sorry that we're unable to assist you with a return or exchange.

Target requires a receipt dated within 90 days for all returns or exchanges of new, unused, or defective items. If you have trouble finding your receipt, we have the ability to look up that receipt's information for a return on most purchases made by check, Target GiftCard, credit, or debit cards within 90 days of purchase. We can also reprint gift receipts during that same length of time when you bring in your original receipt.

As a guest service your local store may accommodate two no receipt returns a year for you, which are intended for small gifts under $20. I apologize for any disappointment this may have caused.

Thanks for sharing your concerns with us. Your feedback will be useful in our continual review of our return policy.

We hope to see you again soon at Target.

Sincerely,

Marisa
Target Guest Relations

Target's response? Eh .... screw you. Am I coming back? Eh .... not freaking likely.

Your daily dose of cuteness

49% of NJ wants to leave.

Duh! Read here.

Missing: One Flat Giraffe

I have exhausted myself looking for said Flat Giraffe. If we have been at your house in the past 3 months, could you do a quick sweep if to see if you can find the aforementioned mammal? Sadly, no reward is offered, but Flat Giraffe's boy would be very grateful.

Dear Target

Today I went into your Lawrenceville, NJ Target for my weekly Target run and to return a bottle sterilizer I received as a gift at my baby shower. Imagine my shock when the clerk at customer service informed me that because the gift cost more than $20 and I didn’t have a receipt I could not return it. The justification I received for this policy was that if someone stole an item they couldn’t return it for the cash or store credit. I always hear Target rhetoric about giving back to the communities they serve. How about giving the benefit of the doubt to the great majority of your loyal customers instead of crafting an asinine policy to punish the tiniest minority? I have already been shocked by your practice of discontinuing an item only to bring it back in a different color to justify returning a tenth of the value of the item. These policies highlight a base and money-grubbing leadership. I am a weekly shopper, and usually spend $70-100 per trip. Please be assured that I will no longer be purchasing any gifts from Target and will do my utmost to dramatically decrease or eliminate the rest of my Target shopping as a result of this policy. I have long not shopped at Wal-Mart due to the way they treat their customers, suppliers and employees. Today, Target demonstrated a similar allegiance to the almighty dollar over common sense, courtesy and trust. Please don’t lose any sleep over the loss of this customer, but do know that I will tell everyone I know about the ill-advised policies of Target Corp and counsel them to find somewhere else to shop.

Characters in the Park

Every morning T and I go for a walk at a nearby park. We're there for about the same 45 minutes to an hour each day. During our daily perambulation we see the same cast of characters. I've begun to speculate about the regulars. Who are they? Why are they free to walk at 10 am on a week day? For your consideration .... Characters in the Park:

“Mali” The Crazy Dog Lady – Mali emigrated from Thailand with her husband 30 years ago. They were unable to have children, so instead she bought a fluffy little dog named Precious that she loves like a child. Precious often sports jackets, sweaters and slamming pink hear-shaped sunglasses. When Precious is just too worn out to walk any further, Mali will carry her in a backpack on her stomach. Nothing is too good for Precious.

“Butch” The Little Dog Guy – Butch works as a diesel mechanic in the afternoon and weekends, so he gets to walk Twitchy, his wife’s dog, who recently won the title for World’s Sissiest Looking Dog. Butch is surprisingly unashamed of Twitchy, even talking to her in a baby voice during walks.

"Mervin" The Sweet Old Guy -- Mervin still lives in his house after his loving wife of 40 years passed away 4 years ago. To keep in shape and fight off boredom, Merv walks from 9 am - noon everyday. His children and grandchildren take turns having him over during the evenings, but they're all in school or work during the day.

"Earl" The Horse Racing Guy -- Earl spends most of each day avoiding his 4th wife, Tammy, at the horse track. Earl spends his mornings meandering through the park choosing his picks for the afternoon. He's always surprised to see anyone else when they walk up behind him.

"Susan" The Other Mom -- Susan is a stay at home mom of a 6 week old baby. We only ever see the baby's feet because it's always covered up in the stroller or the baby bjorn. Susan is a sweet woman who walks every morning to get out of her house.

Ha ha hahahaha

The Flash O Lantern, courtesy of extremepumpkins.com .

I'm sorry ... what?

Why oh why does Al Gore deserve the Nobel Peace Prize? Has he done something to actually promote peace that we don't know about? Who were the other contenders? Michael Moore and Britney Spears? Without debating the merits of the movie, how does a man who doesn't practice a lot of his preaching win the Nobel Peace Prize? Ug.

On Henna and Body Art

Mom and Greg were in town this weekend. We went to Lancaster, PA to Amish country and the Renaissance Faire. It was a really fun trip and Tucker was really really good. I'm impressed by how well he handles traveling to be honest.

At the faire, I had this henna body art done. I love it. I've always been afraid of getting a tattoo because I always think I'll hate it in a few years. At 18 I would have probably gotten a butterfly, which I would hate today. At 21 it would likely have been an angel or something egyptian. Wouldn't hate the angel, would hate the something egyptian. Now this would be my choice. I'm sure in 10 years I'll hate this too. I also worry about how something will look when my skin is loose and wrinkly. There really isn't any part of your body that doesn't sag and wrinkle at some point in your life. Just need to find someone who will do this for me every couple of weeks.

Work Dreams

I recently found out that the person hired to fill my position when I left has already packed her bags and moved back to New England. The reasons I heard ranged from "overwhelmed" to "a complete disaster." This has sent me off on a new series of work dreams and late night anxiety about work. I thought when I quit my job that the job anxiety would quit with it. Instead, I've started worrying about my co-workers who have to pick up the slack for the missing position. I'm having dreams about being late to work and missing important meetings/training sessions. Why am I crazy?

I'm going babyless

Tonight, Ryan's hanging with Tucker, and I'm going out for an evening of babyless entertainment. A couple of girlfriends and I are going to have dinner and maybe do some shopping, all without baby wrangling. Ahhh.

What is butt dust?

Courtesy of Frank. I had read the butt dust one, but not the others. Ha!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After
a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much
that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain
to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's
me?"

SUSAN(age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON(age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES(age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?" (my favorite)

TAMMY(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

This uninterrupted night of sleep brought to you by ...

Ahhhh. Tucker has been sleeping pretty consistently until 5 or 5:30 every morning. After nursing, he goes back to bed until 7 or 7:30. I have to tell you, after 6 months of interrupted sleep, it feels really good.

Last night

Stairs were funny again. We discovered that it's only funny to go upstairs if Daddy follows us up the stairs. Then, it's hilarious.

Baby food

I'm becoming a hippie. A larger and larger proportion of our food is organic. All of Tucker's is. I'm seriously considering buying natural cleaning products.

Last night I found myself making a lot of baby food. Every Monday Tucker and I stop at a little farmer's market after our walk. The woman who runs it has gotten to know us and started talking with me about baby food. Apparently she made all the baby food for her kids and gave me the bug. I bought a bunch of apples and a butternut squash. Butternut squash, for those of you who may not know, is one of the "decorative" winter squash that looks like a giant yellow phallus. If you bake it for a long time it gets squishy. A little cuisinarting later, and I have 4 huge bags of squash and apples and squash and corn. It's actually pretty tasty. We'll have to see tonight if Tucker agrees.

Today, stairs not so funny

You just never know

Today we discovered that going up the stairs is hilarious. As I was taking Tucker upstairs to go to bed, Ry followed us and T started laughing. So we went back downstairs and upstairs again. Still funny.

Our baby is cute

On stay at home moms

Yesterday I went to lunch and shopping with a few other stay at home mothers in my area. I had the realization, not for the first time, that the US has to be the worst industrialized country in the world for mothers. The woman I spent most of the day talking to is an attorney who litigated foster card and adoption cases. Now she's a stay at home mom. I have my master's degree and now I'm a stay at home mom.

Believe me when I say that it's the toughest job I've had so far, but I also think it's a shame that there aren't more options for mothers who want to work part time or go back after a year or two. Canadians have a year of paid maternity leave, during which time their job is secure. In the US we have 12 weeks of unpaid leave, after which your job is no longer secure. Instead of going back to work, an increasing number of highly educated women are opting to stay home with their children. Indeed, in many cases they are the only ones who can make the choice to stay home. Too many other mothers must return to work to support their families.

I can only think this contributes to the general brain drain occurring from the retirement of baby boomers. I could go on about the general lack of work-life balance the US supports (2 weeks of vacation vs. 4 minimum in most countries), but I won't. I just wonder if and when this country is going to realize that there is more to life than work.

6 months - a few days late

Tucker's 6 month checkup went well. He was 18 pounds and 27 3/4 inches long. The doctor said he is right on track developmentally. He's in the 80th percentile for height and the 55th percentile for weight. He's also the cutest baby ever.

We'll miss you, friend

Yesterday was a very sad day.

Elf, who spent most of each day prowling the neighborhood and making friends with neighbor kids, got stuck in a storm drain last night. Some of our kind-hearted neighbors spent several hours with him, keeping him company and giving him food. When animal control couldn't come until today, they made the decision to pry up the grate and pull Elf from the drain.

They called us and we rushed Elf to the animal hospital. While the staff was terrific, too much damage had been done. Even with multiple surgeries, Elf would never be the same. Elf was only 2 and a half years old and we miss him.

So here's to our bad cat: you crammed more mischief into your two and half years than most cats do in a lifetime. Thanks for being a constant source of amusement and for being so patient with our son as he learned to pet. I'll miss you running between my legs every time I opened a door. I'll miss your awe-inspiring leaps across the kitchen cabinets and your catnip-induced floor dances. I'll miss your nightly "pet me" time and I'll miss seeing you sprawled out on whatever chair I just vacated. Elf, you are gone too soon.

Here's to the animals that were more than just our pets, they were our family:

Flit
Xena
Smokey
Maggie
Bubba
Heidi
Elf